Strangest Place
by sarabethloves
Summary: Mustang and his team somehow get on the topic of past sexual experiences that includes a discussion on the strangest place they've all had sex. Everyone but Lieutenant Hawkeye reveals that information willingly, but the stoic officer needs a little more persuading, especially since her strangest place was when she was with her much too cocky superior officer. Royai. Oneshot.


***Randomly drops a steamy Royai oneshot on you that I've been working on for months but never finished***

Roy couldn't remember how the group had arrived at the current topic of conversation. One minute it had just been innocent talk to pass the time on a particularly slow day in the office and the next minute it had turned rather…dirty.

Havoc had made one offhanded comment about a particularly frisky ex-girlfriend of his and then proceeded to tell the story of the time the two of them had stolen away during a tour through an ancient garden to have a romp in the bushes. The gathered men of Mustang's team had laughed at their fellow soldier's humorous tale, especially the part where the tour guide had curiously noticed some sticks sticking out of Havoc's ex-girlfriend's hair, and should've left the conversation at that.

But they were men and men tended to fixate on topics involving more…sexual subjects. Breda took it further by posing a simple question to the group: where was the strangest place you've ever had sex?

Falman told the story of when he and his wife had done it in a spa sauna when they were up in the north, Breda said he had a date who wanted him in a restaurant bathroom, Havoc affirmed that the garden trist was probably his oddest place, and even seemingly innocent Sergant Fuery spoke of how he and a brunette secretary had stolen away and had sex in a shower stall in the ladies' military gym locker room.

Everyone was more shocked at the fact that Fuery was sexually active rather than his choice of locale though.

Once they had given the sergant the appropriate grief for doing it in a military locker room (a girl's locker room, no less), they all turned expectantly to their leader. Roy figured they thought he would have the story to top them all, considering his well-known reputation with women. And, even though the group mostly knew that Mustang's reputation was more an advantageous ploy to get insider information, they still knew he was no saint and had probably done it in someplace other than the traditional bedroom once or twice.

They were right, of course, as he had had his fair share of interesting sexual encounters, but he was hesitant to say a lot about them, especially considering the one soldier in the room who had remained silent throughout the entire conversation.

Riza Hawkeye had not said a word since the topic took a turn for the more sexual, as she had been studiously working away. Riza was one of the only people Roy knew that would continue to work 110% no matter how much work actually needed to be done. It was a slow day, with most of their built up paperwork having been completed, and she still scribbled away on various reports and request forms. Roy had to wonder if they would eventually drag her into the conversation. Knowing his men, it was an almost certainty.

It was made all the more awkward when he considered that he and the lieutenant had just entered a sexual relationship themselves. Granted, it was a very secret sexual relationship that none of the men in the unit, at least to his knowledge, were aware of, but still very much a part of their lives nonetheless. He would feel very strange recounting the tales of his past girlfriends in front of his new girlfriend.

But still, his men were expecting the best out of him in this conversation and he couldn't disappoint. It would be awfully suspicious if the suave womanizer Roy Mustang opted out of a conversation on past sexual experiences.

"I would say my strangest place was a pool table," he told them, somewhat hesitantly.

They all seemed well pleased at the answer, as he expected they would be. "Really, boss? A pool table?" Breda asked in shock.

"Ugh, there weren't people watching were there?" Havoc asked with a disgusted face.

"Of course not!" Roy said indignantly. "It was after hours at my aunt's bar. Most of the girls were away on vacation, as it was a down season, and my aunt had already closed up and gone to bed. I was there drinking and playing pool with an old girlfriend, one thing led to another, and we decided we couldn't wait until we found a bedroom and figured the table was the best spot."

After he had recounted the quick tale, he took a moment to look at his lieutenant and secret girlfriend. She looked completely unfazed as she continued scribbling away, but he knew there were probably different feelings swirling around in her head.

"Damn, chief, that's gutsy," Havoc said as he shook his head.

"More gutsy than doing it in a bush in broad daylight?" Roy countered.

The rest of the team laughed at Havoc's disgruntled look before he had the chance for a rebuttal. Once they all quieted down again there seemed to be a collective moment of realization for all the men of the team that one of them had yet to tell her strangest place.

As if on cue, all the heads of the men turned toward Lieutenant Hawkeye expectantly. She seemed to not realize they were all staring at her until the silence stretched on and caused her to lift her head questioningly. She seemed taken aback at the sudden fixation on her and looked around at their faces in confusion.

"What is it?" she asked them.

"You haven't told us your weirdest place, Lieutenant," Havoc told her with a lopsided grin. Roy didn't know whether to be amused at the situation or angry that the men of his team seemed rather eager to learn about his girlfriend's sexual history.

Realization flashed across her face before she rolled her eyes and went back to her scribbling. "If you think I'm going to participate in this conversation, then you're all delusional."

"Oh come on, Lieutenant, we've all done it. Hell, if Fuery can tell us about having sex in a shower stall, then you can tell us the strangest place you've ever done it," Breda said.

"That information is private. Just because you buffoons felt the need to brag about your sexual experiences, doesn't mean I will. Women prefer to keep those things to themselves."

"What's the big deal? It's not like we're asking for all the details. Just give us one location and we're good to go," Havoc argued.

Riza sent him a pointed glare. "No," she told him, hoping to shut them all up.

Of course, with his team, they wouldn't go down that easily.

"It's just one little thing," Breda said indignantly.

"All you have to do is say the place, Lieutenant," Havoc pleaded.

"It's not like we're invading your privacy," Fuery added.

"Really, it's only fair that you tell us your strangest place since we've all said our own," Falman spoke.

The men continued to argue to try and pry the details out of the stoic lieutenant. Roy remained silent, knowing that she would jump on him the second he tried to interfere. He knew he was better off just letting them be if he wanted to sleep in the same bed as her that night.

Roy could see Riza getting more and more annoyed the longer they pleaded. She was a very collected person and wasn't easily fussed but she, like everyone else, had a breaking point and he could tell the men of his team were about to help reach it.

"Ugh, fine! If I tell you will you morons finally shut up," she exclaimed angrily, stopping their words abruptly.

They all eagerly nodded their heads in affirmation. They didn't care if this meant they had to change the subject, they were just ready to have their curiosity satiated.

"The strangest place I've ever been with a man would probably be…in a lake," she said, having to force herself to speak each word.

Roy had to use immense restraint to prevent himself from grinning like an idiot at that statement.

Now he understood why she had pointedly decided to remove herself from the conversation going on around her and why she wouldn't tell them at first where her strangest place was. He had to keep his glee to a silent chuckle because he knew if he showed any signs of satisfaction at her answer, she'd shoot him.

Roy was decidedly pleased that the strangest place Riza Hawkeye had ever had sex was when she was with him.

A few months before, they had gone on a weekend getaway far from the capitol city to spend some time together. With the secrecy of their relationship, they had to take many precautions. One of those precautions was acting as though nothing had changed between them when they were anywhere outside of either of their own homes. Sometimes, especially for Roy, it was tortuous having to hold himself back from touching or kissing her.

Which was why the weekend getaway was supposed to be so good. They would have the opportunity to be a couple for a few days without the fear of being discovered. They were secluded enough in the mountains that they wouldn't be recognized and had spent practically the entire vacation having sex.

One time in particular had been when they decided to go for a dip in the nearby lake. The lake was as secluded as their cabin and was covered in trees to keep them concealed. It didn't take long for a quick swim to turn into skinny-dipping, which then turned into sex.

Roy was pleased that he was the one that gave her that experience.

He could tell she was thoroughly embarrassed at having been nearly forced to admit that, especially in front of the person she had done it with.

"Wow, you did it outside? That's uncharacteristic for you, Hawkeye," Havoc noted.

"Yeah, I kind of pegged you as a bed-or-nothing kind of woman," Breda commented thoughtfully.

"The fact that you've even considered that aspect of my personal life is alarming," Riza said, her voice taking on a defined edge.

"Hey, it's no big deal. Clearly, none of us in this room are virgins, so it should only make sense we have a natural curiosity about it," Havoc reasoned.

"You should all keep your noses out of other people's business. I've answered your question so I would appreciate it if you would drop the subject," Riza practically ordered the men. They seemed reluctant to let it go, but knew that if they kept prying, the First Lieutenant would start pulling out her guns.

And there was nothing more frightening to every male in the room than Riza Hawkeye behind a gun.

Roy wouldn't let it go, though. Oh no, he had been delighting in her answer and practically reliving the experience in his mind ever since she mentioned it. The time in the lake sure as hell was steamy. Though he wasn't one to particularly choose to have sex in water, he couldn't deny that it was some of the best sex the two had had.

Throughout the day, he stole teasing glances at his precious subordinate and tried desperately to contain his happy smirk. Oh the things that woman did to him.

After the rest of the slow day blessedly passed, and all the men of Mustang's team had decided to leave to go drinking at their favorite bar, Riza and Roy were left alone in his office. He was anxious to get back to his home so he could do all the things to her that his mind had concocted ever since the strangest place discussion. Riza, on the other hand, was adamantly determined to finish up the last of the paperwork for tomorrow morning in case the next day was busy. Roy rolled his eyes at her dedication. The woman couldn't go a minute without writing on some piece of official military paper.

As Roy tried to occupy himself by playing with one of his pens and staring unabashedly at his girlfriend, another one of his crazy ideas popped into his head. He figured he could push Riza along and get her to go home with him quicker if he resuscitated the earlier conversation and used his powers of persuasion to make things go his way.

"So, the lake, huh?" he prompted, knowing it was a lame start but not sure of any other way to go about his plan.

Riza's pen immediately stopped it's furious scribbling across the page so that she could give her superior a cold glare. "Don't you dare start with that," she said before her angry eyes were again on the paperwork.

"What? I thought it was funny," Roy said innocently.

"Oh, I'm sure you did. I'm sure you thought it was just _hilarious_ ," Riza said, a rare edge of sarcasm creeping into her voice.

"Come on, you got to admit that it was kind of funny. I mean, I had no idea your strangest place was with me, let alone that you would admit that in front of everyone."

"That's because girls don't really care where they have sex, much less brag about it to other people. And I had no choice but to answer their question. They wouldn't have let it go if I hadn't."

"You could have lied," Roy suggested.

"There was no reason to lie. They didn't know the time at the lake was with you so why bother making something up."

"Because you knew exactly how it would make _me_ feel," Roy told her with a knowing smirk.

Riza took a minute to sigh and shake her head. "I suppose you're right about that. It's never a good thing to mindfully make you cocky."

"I would disagree, but I see your point," Roy told her, his voice taking on the very cocky air that Riza wanted to avoid.

She sighed again. "Just please don't let it get to your head, sir. The fact that my strangest place was with you shouldn't make you feel like you won something."

Roy smirked again. Now it was time to put the plan into motion. He slowly rose from his desk chair. "Well now there, Lieutenant, is where you're wrong. It doesn't make me feel like I won something," he told her, hopefully instilling enough curiosity in her that she would ask the expected question.

Though she said it with a bored and uninterested tone, she did take the bait. "Then what, pray tell, does it make you feel?" Her eyes were still glued to the paperwork. Roy was glad for this, for once, because it meant she didn't see him slowly approaching her desk.

"Well, for one, it gives me such wonderful memories of that time."

"I'm sure it does," she replied uninterestedly. Roy continued his move toward her.

"It also makes me curious." Another step in her direction.

"And why is that?" He was almost right behind her.

"Because now I want to know if there's anywhere else you'd be willing to try out," he whispered close to her ear, his voice husky with the thoughts of sex.

Until, of course, Riza did what she was well known for doing: squashing Roy's pride and cockiness underneath her boot.

"Absolutely not," she said with a tone of such finality that Roy almost faltered in his plan.

Almost.

"What do you mean?" he asked with feigned innocence. He knew she could see right through him though.

"I told you at the beginning of our relationship that I would not, under any circumstances, have sex with you in the office and I meant it."

"Come on, Riza, where's your sense of adventure," he told her seductively as he leaned down and began placing light kisses along the column length of her neck.

"It's where it should be: at home, in the bedroom," she replied curtly, making an attempt to avoid his attentions. Roy was having none of that, though.

"If you'd rather we go there, that's fine with me," he said, as he continued his work on her neck.

"Later. I have paperwork to finish first."

"Paperwork that doesn't need to be done until tomorrow," Roy reminded her.

"One less thing to do," she said, being annoyingly unfazed by her commanding officer's rather heated ministrations.

"Riza," Roy started in a tone that revealed his growing frustrations with her nonchalant attitude.

"Yes, sir?" she responded with feigned innocence.

"What will it take for you to agree to come home with me," he ended up asking with an air of desperation. He didn't originally intend to resort to borderline begging, but he was practically dying to run his hands all over her body and make her scream until she was hoarse.

Then, almost so imperceptibly that if Colonel Roy Mustang was any other man he wouldn't have caught it, the lieutenant's mouth quirked up just a little to reveal a well-hidden smirk.

That was the moment Roy realized that he wasn't the only one who had a well-thought out plan. It turned out that his beloved subordinate and secret girlfriend had learned a thing or two from his conniving ways.

"Well, if you're really that desperate I suppose we could come to an agreement," she said in what, to others, would seem like her normal tone but to Roy was clearly sly and confident.

"Oh? And what are your terms," Roy said, as his hands placed on either side of her shoulders began to rub up and down her arms lovingly. He wanted to seem like he was still in control, but they both knew he was playing directly into Riza's trap.

"Hm, let me think," the conniving woman said, playing up her innocence. Roy knew very well that she had long since planned out exactly what she was going to ask of him.

"Well, first of all, you have to come in early tomorrow and take care of all the paperwork you're preventing me from completing, _by yourself_."

Roy inwardly groaned. It wasn't the most ideal circumstances but he had to remind himself that it would be worth it. "I can do that," he begrudgingly agreed.

"Secondly, you never again talk about your past sexual experiences in front of everyone, _especially_ when I'm in the room."

So it _had_ annoyed her as much as Roy originally thought. That was understandable and he knew he could easily keep the condition. After all, he wouldn't want to hear about _her_ past sexual experiences. "Sure," he said, desperate to stop talking and start doing other…things.

"And lastly," she said before she twisted out of his arms and walked around to the side of the desk his entire team shared. She motioned for him to follow her and he didn't waste a second to trap her against the side of the desk, lift her up so she was sitting on top of it, and wrap his arms protectively around her waist.

She finished her thought just as Roy was leaning in to _finally_ kiss her, he noted in annoyance. "I get to be in charge."

As soon as the confident and demanding words left her mouth, Roy had to fight the shiver that wanted to run through his body. Instead, he settled for a wicked smirk that crossed his face.

"Oh, I wouldn't mind that in the slightest," he said before his leaned in again to kiss her. With any other woman, the thought of letting his partner take charge during sex was unheard of. Originally, it had been that way with Riza, but as soon as he gave in to her wishes to control things in the bedroom, he wondered why he had never tried it before. After commanding her day in and day out, it was kind of nice to be told what to do for once, especially once he realized the delightfully pleasant things Riza Hawkeye was capable of doing.

His lips finally connected with hers and they spent quite a few minutes passionately kissing on the edge of her desk. Eventually, they broke apart and shared an excited glance between the two of them. Roy knew that things would escalate if they went any further so he backed away and hurriedly searched for his overcoat and car keys, intent on racing home to finish what they started.

However, he received a pleasant surprise when he turned back around, ready to leave, and found Riza staring at him curiously. At first, he was confused as to why she seemed glued to the spot and not as desperate as he was to get home.

It wasn't until she spoke that he realized, with an excited thrill, what her original intent was.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked him as the pieces finally started fitting together in his brain.

So he wasn't the only one who wanted to try sex at the office, after all.

He placed his gathered coat and keys down and moved, ever so slowly, back to where Riza sat perched on her desk. "Ah, I see. So I guess I wasn't the only one who couldn't stop thinking about that time at the lake all day," he told her with a cocky grin.

At that, Riza scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and kiss me," she ordered.

"Yes ma'am," Roy said in a husky voice before desperately obeying her command.

 **Hope you guys like it! I was in a random writing mood today and finished this one but I won't have much time to work on other stories until August so I hope this holds yall over until then!**


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